Ouch.

I've always tried to hold doors for people going in and/or out of buildings.
I sometimes don't let my child finish a sentence before closing the van door.
I've always tried to be polite when a meal is taking too long at a restaurant.
I rush my kids through their meals so that I can get them bathed and in bed so I can relax!
I've always been patient with children in stores and in halls of places.
My kids sometimes only get a word or two out and I'm done listening.
I'm truly concerned whenever I see someone get hurt.
I often tell my kiddos to shake it off, walk it off, get over it.
I'm always enamored by the gals who get flowers at work or whose hubbies do amazingly romantic things for them.
I often complain that Mat doesn't do enough romantic things for me, but what have I ever really done for him?

I'm so concerned with what "outside world" sees from me. I make sure that "outside world" gets my very best. But in doing that, am I losing my children's respect? Am I forgetting the romantic things my husband has done because I'm wanting an unreal fantasy? Anyone else feeling me here?? Please don't be silent!!

I want to sit with my children and enjoy their laughter and incessant talking without getting upset at the noise. I want to kiss boo boos without accusing them of doing something they shouldn't. I want to be their hero, not their thorn. I want to curb their spiritedness to the will and works of God, not break their spirit that He gave them for His purpose. I want to lead by example...or am I already leading them in the wrong direction?

Boy, do I hate conviction.

Children....lots of children.....

I've come to the realization that I'm good with kids. But the thing is...I really only wanted 1 child and not until I was 26. So of course, I have 4 kids born when I was 19, 21, 28 and 4 days after my 30th birthday!!

I babysat all the time growing up. I knew I could be a good babysitter. But I never wanted any more than 1 child. Being a Christian, I knew that God ultimately called the shots and knew what I needed and was capable of. So 4 kids it was. Four girls to be exact. All of them different in many ways and all of them mine. Did I mention they were girls??

I have drama, I have blonde moments, I have funny, I have "good thing you're cute", I have emotional outbursts, I have hair accessories out the wazoo, I have lines for the bathroom, I have a husband who is determined to walk us down the boy toy aisle at Walmart when the girls just want to go to Bath Junkie!! And I have breakdowns, I have fights, I have yelling, I have crying, I have "I'm running away"-"No you're not! You're scared of the dark".

But on the flip side of all of that, I have hugs, I have amazing conversations, I have clothing tips, I have borrowed scarves, I have make up sharing and questions, I have adorable outfits, I have a thousand different hairstyles, and I don't have to shut the bathroom door!

But then God went beyond just my kiddos. Six years ago, God put an idea into the heads of our childrens ministry guys for something called Treehouse. It's the praise and worship service for the kids at church. I was blessed to be part of that ministry from the beginning to about 2 years ago. Singing, dancing, drama, prayer, watching kids worship from their hearts and truly understand what a Christ centered life was...Amazing!!

But it didn't stop there. Two years ago, I began working for the Mother's Day Out program at our church. I teach 2 year olds. I didn't think I would want to do this. But in the first year, those kids stole my heart. They learned more and changed more than any other age there. And I've fallen in love with working with them.

But wait, there's more!! He gave my sister 3 kids. And this past Christmas break, he gave her a job! So I pick the kids up from school and let them stay with me on the days she works. And since we have been so fortunate to have all of these snow days, they've been here with me. I know it seems as though I'm losing my mind sometimes, but really I look at it as research. I learn a TON from having them with me. Plus, I really, really, truly adore them.

I love that Cameron is my little buddy and just wants to make sure everyone is happy and getting along. I love that Carson just wants me to give him a job to do so that he can be helping. (he also wants me to pay him! ha ha) I love that Chloe and Linzy are becoming BFFs...they will always have each other and they will always be friends.

And just like the cherry on top, I keep a precious little one every other Friday and Monday. Her name is Hope and she just cracks me up. Everything from saying "Psycho Baby" to running away from Mat because she emphatically does NOT like him!!

So I'm feeling like God put me here just to be with kids. I complain about it but in reality, I know it's how He wired me. And I love it...regardless of what I say on the bad days...I LOVE IT!! So now, I'm going to go and get snack food and clean the huge mess made today. But they are happy, so I don't mind the mess. It was made while they had a day at Cakkie's...the gal God created to be with kiddos!!

A Daily Day...

Today is Day eleventy-billion and seven that we've been home in this "snowpocalypse" and I'm not even cabin fever-y yet. How is this possible, you ask? Well, just take into consideration an average day for me...minus the snow.

3 AM: Ellie knocks on the door with excuse du noir for why she needs to get in our bed.
4:30 AM: Finally back asleep...with Ellie making an "H" out of Mat and me.
5:45 AM: Linzy is up...and hungry!
6:15 AM: I finally give in and get up. Make the babies breakfast and wake the big girls.
6:20 AM: Wake the girls again!
6:30 AM: Finish Haley's hair and tell Casey to get up...again!
7:10 AM: Get the babies to get into warm clothes to take the girls to school...start the countdown.
7:15 AM: Yell, "IT'S 7:15!" And sit with the babies who are beginning to sweat in their coats.
7:18 AM: Yell, "WE NEED TO LEAVE 3 MINUTES AGO!!!"
7:20 AM: Tell the girls we have to go NOW...and then send Casey to brush her teeth while Haley changes her clothes again.
7:25 AM: We are finally headed to school.

I'll stop here. On snow days, it goes like this...I get up at 7:20ish to wait on my sister's kiddos to watch while she's at work. I fix a big breakfast. We snuggle and watch a movie.

Now, you tell me...would you want to go anywhere if all of your mornings began like that??? If you said "yes," keep reading...

This is my afternoon...

2 PM: Get the babies in their coats to head to get my nephews and niece from their bus stop.
2:25 PM: At the bus stop...waiting.
2:30 PM: The kids get off the bus and into my van.
2:33 PM: Finally get Chloe to get buckled and Carson to sit all the way back and head to get Casey.
2:35 PM: First stop the bus (which is now in front of us) makes.
2:36 PM: Second stop.
2:36:45 PM: Third stop. (ok...you get the picture. Elapsed time, coming up!)
2:45 PM: Arrive at Hunter to get Casey.
2:54 PM: Casey is in the car and we are headed to get Haley.
2:57 PM: Arrive at Beech to pick up Haley. And remind all kids to get buckled back up because it only takes a minute to get her.
2:58 PM: On the road again with all 7 kids headed to the house for snacks and homework.
**Now if it's a Tuesday**
3:05 PM: Get home, get snacks packed as the 3 youngest girls get changed for ballet.
3:30 PM: Pack everyone but the big girls into the van to leave for ballet.
3:33 PM: Finally get Chloe to get buckled and Carson to sit all the way back.
3:55 PM: Arrive at ballet and send Ellie to her class.
4-5 PM: Wait in a chair, talking with the other moms until Ellie's class is over.
5-6 PM: Wait in a chair, talking with the other moms until Linzy's class is over.

Ok, so do you see why I'm perfectly fine with NOT going anywhere?!?

And soccer season starts in a month!!!

Lane Kiffin vs Haiti...

Ok, so there's been a ton of talk about Lane Kiffen leaving UT for USC and what a horrible thing to do, yada yada, blah blah blah. And there's been a lot of bashing of those people for focusing there instead of on the earthquake in Haiti. Yes, it's bad there. But for most people, it's so far away, that it's somehow not entirely real.

At least, I know for me, that's how it could seem. Before the Crazy Love campaign at our church, I didn't know what the plight of Haiti was other than it wasn't a flourishing country. I didn't know about the children being orphaned and living on the streets. I didn't know that there were orphanages that had people running them who "rented" out the kids to be sexual slaves. I didn't know that the kids who weren't in those orphanages, and even some that were, lived off of mud cookies (dirt & water). I didn't know that garbage was thrown into the ocean on one side of the island where it would just wash up on the other...if it was even thrown in the ocean instead of the typical place...the side of the road. I didn't know that a public bathroom meant just going wherever you stood at the time you had to go. Before Crazy Love, Haiti was just a country that needed something.

Now, they need more. Long Hollow Baptist Church is collecting blankets on Sunday morning to send to our affiliates there in Haiti. The Global Orphan Project is allowing us to be a part of their mission there. If you want to donate, go to longhollow.com and find out how you can be a part.

Before Crazy Love, I didn't hurt for those people, because they had no faces. Now, they do...and they are hurting. You can help.

The Wonder Wall

I wonder why kids in school look younger and younger every year.
I wonder why God didn't give every single person common sense (I include myself here).
I wonder why some stories move us to tears, but not action.
I wonder why some stories move us to action, but from anger.
I wonder why some stories don't move us at all.
I wonder why music has the power to invoke every emotion...sometimes all at once.
I wonder why my teen can't just go with the first outfit choice of the day.
I wonder why my pre-teen doesn't give a hoot what she wears.
I wonder if my 5 year old really will go into the CIA...she's gotta future in sneaky.
I wonder if my 3 year old loves her hair as much as everyone else does.
I wonder if this world will ever go back to the way it was...only updated.
I wonder when the network censor lost his job.
I wonder if I'll ever get back to Wales.
I wonder if I'll ever lose that darned baby weight. (Yea, I know how old my youngest is-ha ha!)
I wonder why Folgers' Christmas commercials always tug my heart strings.
I wonder sometimes, why my husband loves me.
I wonder why I had the need and desire to rebel so intensely growing up.
I wonder what goes through the minds of some parents when their daughters' skirts are too mini to even be a mini.
I wonder why we don't say what we mean at all times instead of saying what we mean to others...in gossip.
I wonder why some women think that he really loves you because he's seen your best "assets" in that dress you're sort of wearing.
I wonder why some men use women like kleenex.
I wonder why the 10 Commandments are so hard to obey.
I wonder what I could have been...if only...
What I don't wonder...Jeremiah 29:11

What are your wonderings?

Time Off...

So my last blog was 3 years ago. It was also the first for this blog site. I've changed everything up, I've gotten some new material...but mostly, I've forgotten how wonderful it is to put it all in writing. I'm a true believer that if you get it all on paper (or in this case, screen), you can be as mad, as happy, as insane, as thoughtful, as open as you want. If anyone reads it or even if they don't, at least it's out of your system. This used to be my outlet. Oh, how I've missed my outlet.

So, no more bottling it up. No more trying to find a way to say what I mean in a conversation, which if you've had a conversation with me lately you'll know it's just a rambling, vomiting of EVERYTHING going on with me. You have taken the place of my outlet and for that I am truly sorry.

For now though, I'm a mixed-up, half-insane, struggling, searching for meaning mom of 4 just trying to find where I fit best.

Thanks for coming along for the ride...if anyone has bought a ticket.